Executive Summary
It’s natural to feel uncomfortable if you’ve kept your job while your colleagues have lost theirs. You want to be helpful, and to steer clear of rubbing salt in their wounds or saying the wrong thing. The authors offer three recommendations for how to make a positive difference: 1) Get clear on their aspirations; 2) Be specific about the help you can offer; and 3) Follow their lead on how to relate.
It’s obviously upsetting and difficult to receive a layoff notice. But if you’ve been spared while your colleagues have been let go, a tricky question arises: How can you best support them without feeling awkward or appearing patronizing?
Saying nothing — because you’re unsure what to say — might well come across as uncaring. But showering them with advice and encouragement might be the last thing they need. Here are three ways to lend useful support to newly out-of-work colleagues.
Get clear on their aspirations.
Being laid off — as Dorie was early in her career — can be destabilizing, so your colleagues may not immediately be sure about their next move or objective. It’s possible they’ll be looking for a job just like the one they had. Or the layoff may represent an opportunity to try something new, such as a career reinvention or launching an entrepreneurial venture.
That’s why it’s important not to make assumptions about what they’re looking for. You don’t want to apply your own biases to the situation (it’s nice to connect them with your cousin at Google — but only if they’ve expressed a specific interest, and not because “anyone would be lucky to get a job there.”)
Instead, just ask them directly. You could say: “You may still be thinking about this, but if it’s helpful, I’d love to be on the lookout for you. Do you have a sense of what’s next for you, or what type of job would be ideal?” That enables them to guide you — and your future networking efforts — appropriately.
Be specific about the help you can offer.
As with other life milestones such as births and deaths, general offers of help (“Let me know if I can do anything!”) are pretty much useless. That’s because the recipient:
- May be unsure whether you mean the offer seriously, or if it’s just a platitude;
- Probably doesn’t yet know what sort of help they’ll need; and
- Doesn’t know what sort of help you’re qualified to provide.
Instead, once you’ve determined what their ideal future direction looks like, make it easy on them by proactively clarifying what types of support you can lend. “If you’d ever like a friendly ear just to listen, or someone to brainstorm with, I’m here for you,” you could say. “And if it’s helpful, I’d be glad to strategize about your LinkedIn profile or do a mock job interview with you — just say the word.” They may not have come up with those suggestions on their own (especially in the early days of a layoff, it’s hard to envision what the future holds), but job hunters will often appreciate them as their search progresses.
If relevant, you can also offer to make specific connections. If their search parameters are precise, your proposed introductions might be, as well. “You mentioned you’re looking for a job in the Seattle office of X company,” you could say. “My college roommate works there. Would it be helpful if I put you in touch?”
If they’re still unclear on their future direction, you can make a more general offer of assistance. “It sounds like you’re weighing a few options,” you might tell them. “If it turns out you do end up focusing on fintech, please let me know and there are some folks I can connect you with at that point.”
Follow their lead on how to relate.
The job search process can be long and frustrating. Accordingly, your colleague may veer from hopeful enthusiasm (“I landed an interview!”) to self-criticism and doubt (“I wonder if I have what it takes.”). To be a helpful ally, you’ll want to listen attentively and ensure they feel psychologically safe sharing their ideas and concerns. That doesn’t mean accepting everything they say at face value, though. It’s important to call out and push back on any distortions or erroneous assumptions in their thinking. (“No one will ever hire me because I’m over 50,” or “I always blow my interviews.”)
It can also be useful to encourage them to reflect on what they would need from a new job to show their best self at work, and help them think through their options based on a set of objective criteria. (“You mentioned you wanted a job with the potential for overseas work — is that likely with this particular position?”)
But it’s also important to guard against becoming overly invested in their job search, to the point of making it the exclusive focus of your relationship. Constant check-ins (“Any new leads? How many applications did you submit this week?”) may only stress out your colleague or make them feel inadequate. Instead, follow their lead on how they’d like to relate to you.
If they want to talk shop about the job search process in depth, that’s great. But if that’s their constant day-to-day reality, they may relish the chance to have a fun, “normal” conversation with you about other matters, or to catch up on how things are going with your mutual friends.
At times, you may think they’re going down the wrong track, or aren’t pursuing their job hunt with enough energy. But you don’t know what else is going on in their life that might influence their job search. And finding a new job — or even vocation — is ultimately their responsibility. You’re there to support them, if they want it.
It’s natural to feel uncomfortable if you’ve kept your job while your colleagues have lost theirs. You want to be helpful, and to steer clear of rubbing salt in their wounds or saying the wrong thing. By following these three principles, you can be sensitive to their situation and make a positive difference.
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How to Help a Colleague Who's Been Laid Off - Harvard Business Review
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